The agony of defeat

Original post:  Jun. 10, 2012

After leading at halftime, the Celtics finally succumbed to their younger, more talented foe. In the early part of the series, they used their wits and guile to replace the energy and depth they sorely lacked. Their hustle put them a game away from the Finals. Unfortunately, that was where their road ended.

Sports can be a cruel master. There are always winners and losers. The gap between the victor and the vanquished can sometimes be a single play made or missed. Oddly enough, you often learn more about yourself when you do lose.

My six-year-old is learning that lesson now. His backyard baseball version of the Red Sox has never lost a game. Even if they trail by ten runs, you can be sure that there is a miracle in the bottom half of the ninth inning. Last year, he would throw tantrums and fits if he ever lost at a board game. He would sob uncontrollably even if he started to fall behind. In the past few months, he has started to learn to lose his fear of failure.

We were playing chess recently. When I taught him how to play, we used a simplified version of the game to help him learn the rules. I would also find some way for him to eke out the win. He has since learned to play real games without any aids. This time, I decided to take the training wheels off. I actually beat him. Three times in a row. I was interested to see how he might take it. Instead of getting upset, he immediately asked to play again. He was getting frustrated, but he was channeling the emotion into an attempt to improve. I helped coach him a bit more to think about his moves and helped him in the final game.

I want my son to be a sports fan. There is very little I wouldn't do to be able to go back in time and play on my high school teams. Though the games themselves are long forgotten, the thrill of competition can be exhilarating. Caring about a sports team also means that you are subject to the rise and fall. In some ways, it's not about the highs and lows. It's about being in the game.

If you are interested in another take on raising a child to care about sports, here's a link to one I liked from Bill Simmons:  The Consequences of Caring