The agony of defeat

Original post:  Jun. 10, 2012

After leading at halftime, the Celtics finally succumbed to their younger, more talented foe. In the early part of the series, they used their wits and guile to replace the energy and depth they sorely lacked. Their hustle put them a game away from the Finals. Unfortunately, that was where their road ended.

Sports can be a cruel master. There are always winners and losers. The gap between the victor and the vanquished can sometimes be a single play made or missed. Oddly enough, you often learn more about yourself when you do lose.

My six-year-old is learning that lesson now. His backyard baseball version of the Red Sox has never lost a game. Even if they trail by ten runs, you can be sure that there is a miracle in the bottom half of the ninth inning. Last year, he would throw tantrums and fits if he ever lost at a board game. He would sob uncontrollably even if he started to fall behind. In the past few months, he has started to learn to lose his fear of failure.

We were playing chess recently. When I taught him how to play, we used a simplified version of the game to help him learn the rules. I would also find some way for him to eke out the win. He has since learned to play real games without any aids. This time, I decided to take the training wheels off. I actually beat him. Three times in a row. I was interested to see how he might take it. Instead of getting upset, he immediately asked to play again. He was getting frustrated, but he was channeling the emotion into an attempt to improve. I helped coach him a bit more to think about his moves and helped him in the final game.

I want my son to be a sports fan. There is very little I wouldn't do to be able to go back in time and play on my high school teams. Though the games themselves are long forgotten, the thrill of competition can be exhilarating. Caring about a sports team also means that you are subject to the rise and fall. In some ways, it's not about the highs and lows. It's about being in the game.

If you are interested in another take on raising a child to care about sports, here's a link to one I liked from Bill Simmons:  The Consequences of Caring

Learn and grow

Original post:  November 9, 2011

In one of the presentations at a recent internal conference, the speaker discussed the need to allow for some failure in our corporate culture. It is through these stumbles that we eventually learn and grow.

No one sets out to fail. We often limit our exposure by restricting our attempts to the familiar areas where we've enjoyed previous success.

I experienced this phenomenon firsthand over the past weekend. My son asked to play catch in the back yard. We had often used a small Nerf football that is easy to throw and catch. Wanting to challenge him, I asked him to get the real leather football.

He hesitated. The leather ball is much bigger. His five-year old hands have difficulty holding the ball. His face immediately twisted into a pout and then a frown.

"I can't. It's too hard."

He asked to go back to the smaller ball. I explained that he needed to learn to throw the right way so that he would be prepared for real games. After a round of gesticulations that ended just short of tears, he finally relented.

There were a number of wobbly ducks that went back and forth. With some gentle encouragement, he finally started to accept the challenge and try harder.

After about ten minutes, the first clean spiral appeared.

It took a moment for him to realize what he had done. The smile and the joy running across his face was quite contagious.

Even though there were lots of terrible throws mixed in with a few good tosses, the point had been made.