Sometimes it helps to learn what not to do

Original post:  Jul 19, 2012

Last night, I taught my boys a new game. They are just beginning to play chess. It's a complicated game and it's very difficult for beginning players to learn all the rules. It's even harder for them to envision the board and think about the moves their opponent might make. When I was their age, I learned a variation that was both fun to play but also reinforced the basic rules. It was called "Eat." Instead of trying to capture the opposing king, you instead try to be the first to lose all of your pieces. The one catch is that if you can take an opponent's piece, you must.

This variation forces the players to put pieces in harm's way instead of trying to protect them. By teaching them how certain moves can put their side in jeopardy, it can help them understand how to avoid trouble in a "real" game.

In the same way, I found an article that discussed the "10 Dumb Things I've Learned From Brilliant People" (Forbes.com). It also provides examples of very smart people making basic mistakes that tend to hurt their relationships with others.

Here is a quick rundown of the items:

1. Speak with the "official style" to sound like an expert
2. Find the irony in everything and point it out to everyone
3. Presume that ideas are more important than people
4. Presume that those with degrees from non-exemplary institutions are going nowhere and treat them accordingly
5. When recruiting people to support your vision, pretend like their ideas count, even though you have no idea of using them
6. Consistently point out the flaws in the ideas of others, and make sure it's clear how you would address those flaws (even though you'll never really have to)
7. Point out to people in the lesser rungs of your organization that everyone chooses their careers, and if they aren't satisfied, it's because they made bad decisions
8. When the rules of the game change, you have absolutely no obligation to inform those affected by the changes about what’s going to happen next (if you do so, it’s merely a courtesy)
9. It's perfectly fine to change how you treat people in the course of any given day
10. One's role justifies whatever is necessary for one to achieve success

I find that it is always easier to notice when someone else is exhibiting these behaviors. I hope that I am able to catch myself if I find myself veering into that territory so I can pull myself in a different direction.