No time to be nice at work

Original post:  June 23, 2015

This article from the NY Times Sunday magazine by Christine Porath talks about bad behavior at work. I'm sure we've all witnessed it at one point or another. Heck, I'm sure that I've been guilty of it from time to time. I just hope it isn't too often and that I can gain forgiveness from those I might have offended.

In my own experience, whenever I'm under extreme stress, it usually detracts from my ability to perform well. It also makes me far more prone to lash out at others as a release mechanism. While it might help me feel a little better, it certainly doesn't help those around me. Here is one reason why from the article:

Robert M. Sapolsky, a Stanford professor and the author of “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers,” argues that when people experience intermittent stressors like incivility for too long or too often, their immune systems pay the price. We also may experience major health problems, including cardiovascular disease, cancer, diabetes and ulcers.

If you are a supervisor, you have even more of an obligation to hold yourself to a higher standard. Here is another excerpt:

Bosses produce demoralized employees through a string of actions: walking away from a conversation because they lose interest; answering calls in the middle of meetings without leaving the room; openly mocking people by pointing out their flaws or personality quirks in front of others; reminding their subordinates of their “role” in the organization and “title”; taking credit for wins, but pointing the finger at others when problems arise. Employees who are harmed by this behavior, instead of sharing ideas or asking for help, hold back.

According to the article, incivility reduces the effectiveness of employees because they feel less likely to contribute. It can even impact customers. They are much more likely to avoid places which have rude employees or tolerate that type of behavior.

The article goes on to explain that we might be afraid that being nice is interpreted as a sign of weakness. In many ways, it can actually be a sign of strength.

Why is respect — or lack of it — so potent? Charles Horton Cooley’s 1902 notion of the “looking glass self” explains that we use others’ expressions (smiles), behaviors (acknowledging us) and reactions (listening to us or insulting us) to define ourselves. How we believe others see us shapes who we are. We ride a wave of pride or get swallowed in a sea of embarrassment based on brief interactions that signal respect or disrespect. Individuals feel valued and powerful when respected. Civility lifts people. Incivility holds people down. It makes people feel small.

We often don't intend to be rude. This may especially be true if we feel as if we have to answer urgent e-mails in the middle of someone else's meeting. Still, the impact is there even if we don't realize it.

Incivility often grows out of ignorance, not malice. A surgeon told me that until he received some harsh feedback, he was clueless that so many people thought he was a jerk. He was simply treating residents the way he had been trained.

Here is a link to the full article:  http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/21/opinion/sunday/is-your-boss-mean.html

Here is an infographic with some common boorish behavior.