Taking a hard look at yourself

Original post:  Jan 20, 2015

We've all done it. We watch a situation unfold and immediately begin criticizing the execution. If only the participants had done this or that, then the outcome would have been incredibly different. We're so sure that we have the answers for others.

The real challenge begins when others apply the same lens to us. Suddenly, we're not so sure that they understand all of the intangibles that went into the decision. If only those armchair judges could sit in our shoes then they would understand all of the complex reasoning that went into our different handling of the situation.

It's so easy to pick out the faults in others. It's really difficult to use the same harsh grading scale on ourselves.

Over the weekend, I spent some time with extended family members. When you are dealing with people you may only see once or twice a year, you don't get a true picture. You only get snapshots and glances that must be extrapolated into a fuller picture. The classic example is the relative's story of meeting a rock star as part of a TV audience. Because they didn't personally greet each and everyone and only gave out a crappy participation gift, this star went from a classy human being to a shady cheapskate. Unfair? Perhaps, but it's what happened.

At this particular event, we had a smaller session with a subset of the family analyzing how we could solve the issues. The loudest voice came from an older relative who calmly explained exactly what should have been done to resolve this really tricky dispute between two other family members. If they would only bring their disagreements out in the open, then they would be able to come to an amicable resolution! True, but getting to that point would be near impossible since the pair weren't speaking to each other at the moment. What made it even more ironic was that this particular relative had a similar dispute with another family member that went for years and was never resolved because they did not speak to each other!

Since it is still January, I resolve to try to use the same judgment on myself that I would first apply to others. I may not always succeed, but I will try to remind myself to tone down the criticism wherever possible.