Only in retrospect

It's easy to miss the moment as it's happening. We sometimes get so caught up in thinking about what we are going to say or do in the future that we forget what is right in front of our noses.

When I look back someday, this week will certainly be one of those types of sneaky milestones. The in-laws are visiting, and grandma noticed that my oldest is now as tall as she is. When she last visited him, he was likely several inches shorter. Now that they can literally see eye to eye, I think it seems to mark a milestone of sorts. I'm sure the same type of milestone will occur when he is as tall as my wife is now. Shortly thereafter, his younger brother will mark those same milestones and she will be the shortest one in the family.

Time has a way of grinding on despite our best efforts to slow it down.

Perhaps that is why I am such a firm believer in making the most of the moment when it is there. You never know if it will happen again. And what will you do if it doesn't?

Advice for reasonable data during travel

Unlocked phones and advance purchases of foreign SIM cards?

Something to consider.

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/26/technology/personaltech/a-travelers-guide-to-taking-a-smartphone-abroad.html

Restless

For the past few nights, it's been hard for me to sleep. I will close my eyes and I lose track of time. After a period, I find myself awake. I look at the clock and it's only been an hour or two.

Once I am up, my mind starts sprinting. It races from one idea to the next. I try to calm it down, but I keep on thrashing away. It may take thirty minutes to an hour until I slowly drift off. Of late, the process will repeat two or three more times.

I know that part of my problem is from this conference. In order to keep concentration and network relentlessly through the day, you must keep an extraordinary amount of focus. By the end of the day, I am just mentally bankrupt. Add exotic foods, strange beds and too much alcohol and you have a pretty nasty mix.

I have to get up at three AM to make the flight tomorrow. I am headed to bed now at a quarter to ten. Here's hoping round one lasts past midnight!

Everything must end

but it doesn't have to end today.

Well, that was a quick turnaround

OB let me know last night that he was scheduled to pitch today. I expected him to toss a few innings or so and then to give way to someone else. He obviously had other plans.

This was from the first inning. After that, my camera ran out of battery. In a way, that was a blessing because then I could just concentrate on watching the game. He actually pitched better in the second inning by striking out the side!

OB got up to bat in the bottom of the second. He had been on a bit of a cold streak with no hits in his last few games. He promptly ripped a shot that the third baseman gloved but it ricocheted into left field for a double.

At the end of three innings, I thought he might either be pulled for another pitcher or pitch one more. One of the coaches let me know that he had thrown 38 pitches. The limit for ten year olds in a game is 75. So on he went.

The game was actually scoreless until the bottom of the third. Two runs for the Twins helped give a little breathing room. After a scoreless top of the fourth, the Twins added to the lead with three more. With runners on second and third, OB could have added on but he ended up striking out.

The game went on and after a few quick at-bats, it was suddenly the top of the sixth. OB was still back out on the mound. After striking out the first batter, he had only given up two singles so far. The next batter promptly ripped a double over the centerfielder's head. Still, there was no move from the dugout. He would go on to get a tapper back to the mound for the second out. On his last pitch, he got a lazy fly ball to center to end the game.

The final tally was three hits, no walks, and no runs. I know that he struck out at least six batters, but to be honest I got so caught up in the game I lost count. While the team he beat wasn't one of the best teams in the league, it still featured a number of 12 year olds much taller and stronger than him! 

I am extremely proud of my boy. No matter what happens the rest of the season, he can always look back at one cherished memory. He rode home proudly clutching his well-deserved game ball.

In the heat of battle

Older brother continues his Little League journey.

He recently got to pitch in a game. I was a bit surprised because I had no warning that he would be in the game. He didn't even get any chance to warm up. By the time he knew he was pitching, he was on the mound.

He started out by striking out the first batter. The next batter was the best player on the Cubs and he smacked a home run. Still, OB settled down and got through the next two innings without much of a problem.

In the sixth (and last) inning, he started off OK. He got the first two outs without any issue. With a four run lead, it seemed as if he would just cruise to victory. Then he gives up a hit. No problem. Then he walks a batter. Then a ball sneaks under the 2nd baseman's glove and suddenly the bases are loaded. A close pitch doesn't go his way and then he walks in a run. 

Coach calls time and goes out to the mound. I'm not sure what he said, but I think he was trying to remind OB that it was just one more out. 

The next batter hits a shot to first that again goes right under the fielder's glove and another run comes home. With the lead down to two runs, the coach goes to an older kid who is able to get the last out and the Twins win, 8-6.

When I went to pick him up after the game, OB is really upset. I try to ask why, but I think I know the reason. He is really mad that coach pulled him from the game.

While I admire his competitive spirit, I also wish he could try to keep things in perspective. Of course, it's been a long time since I was ten years old and struggling to earn my stripes with the older kids. In fact, I never had a similar situation in my athletic career.

Over the course of the next few games, we would also run into other teachable moments. There is a fine line between holding high standards and just being downright ornery. While we may blur the distinction now and then, I have no doubt that we'll be OK in the end.

Pool Shots Episode 2

OB does it again!

Pool Shots

Older Brother (OB) with his first video creation!

Science fights against aging

In the New York Times, there is new hope in the everlasting fight against the ravages of aging.

I find it amazing that this is possible without the use of exotic new substances. It basically uses things that have already been developed and proven to be "generally safe".

Here is the link to the full article:  http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/10/health/second-skin.html

Self-compassion works better than self-esteem

It's always difficult to strike the proper balance between resilience and narcissism. In this article from the Atlantic, there is a discussion about something I had never truly considered. It's a concept called self-compassion. It is offered as a different way to support yourself in difficult times.

This new method is considered different from the push for self-esteem. There isn't anything wrong with self-esteem, but it often relies on comparisons to others. Esteem is often built by thinking of ourselves as superior to others--a concept which might be undermined by our average reality. The article goes on to say that it is in precisely those moments when we might most need encouragement that our self-esteem abandons us. Here is a more detailed discussion:

When I teach workshops I say, it's logically impossible for everyone to be above average at all times, so we're basically predicating ourselves with a logical impossibility. Eventually that's going to hit reality. Maybe somebody does do that better than me. Do I accept that or am I destabilized by that?

Usually, self-esteem is highly contingent on success. And the three domains it’s contingent on are, first, peer approval. That's what other kids at school and other people of work think of me, which is a really lousy source of information, because a) they don't know you very well and b) you don't know what they think of you very well.

And then, perceived appearance, which for women is especially damning, and it's also the most important domain for self-esteem for women. One of the reasons boys don't suffer as much from low self-esteem is that boys, growing up, they think they're pretty attractive. They rate their own attractiveness pretty high. The standards of beauty are much higher for girls than for boys. For girls, from the third grade, you start seeing a nose-dive in how attractive they think they are. Starting in third grade think, girls think, "I'm fat," and "I'm not pretty enough," and start comparing themselves to high standards and their self-esteem takes a hit. Boys stay pretty stable.

The final one is success. The real problem with that is self-esteem is only available when we succeed. But when we fail, self-esteem deserts us, which is precisely when we need it most. And some people argue that the instability of self-esteem going up and down is more damaging than the level of self-esteem itself.

Self-compassion says that we should talk to ourselves in our shortcomings as if we were our own best friend. Here is the alternative:

One component is self-kindness, which is in a way the most obvious. But it also entails a recognition of common humanity—in other words, the understanding that all people are imperfect, and all people have imperfect lives. Sometimes, when we fail, we react as if something has gone wrong—that this shouldn't be happening. “I shouldn't have failed, I shouldn't have had this issue come up in my life.” And this sense that “this shouldn't be happening,” as if everyone else in the world were living perfectly happy, unproblematic lives. That type of thinking really causes a lot of additional suffering, because people feel isolated and separated from the rest of humanity.

So, when we have self-compassion, when we fail, it's not “poor me,” it's “well, everyone fails.” Everyone struggles. This is what it means to be human. And that really radically alters how we relate to failure and difficulty. When we say, "Oh, this is normal, this is part of what it means to human," that opens the door to the grow from the experience. If we feel like it's abnormal, this shouldn't be happening, then we start blaming ourselves.

Self-compassion also entails a mindfulness. In order to have self-compassion, we have to be willing to turn toward and acknowledge our suffering. Typically, we don't want to do that. We want to avoid it, we don't want to think about it, and want to go straight into problem-solving.

And in fact, I would argue that self-compassion also provides a sense of self-worth, but it's not linked to narcissism the way self-esteem is. It's not linked to social comparison the way self-esteem is, and it's not contingent, because you have self-compassion both when you fail and when you succeed. The sense of self-worth that comes from being kind to yourself is much more stable over time than the sense of self-worth that comes from judging yourself positively.

I think this is an excellent method. Here is the link to the full article:  http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/05/why-self-compassion-works-better-than-self-esteem/481473/

Math Stumps Your Doctor

In Bloomberg View, there is an article discussing the changing nature of healthcare. Doctors are now being presented with complex statistics that require mathematical skills to parse. Here is an example:

Take the famous hypothetical example of a test that is 95 percent accurate for a disease that affects 0.1 percent of the population. Imagine you’re a doctor and your patient tests positive. What is the chance that she has the disease? Most people’s intuitive answer is a rather dire 95 percent. This is wrong in a big way. Despite the ominous test result, the patient is unlikely to be sick. 

“Even doctors and medical students are prone to this error,” wrote Aron Barbey, a cognitive neuroscientist at the University of Illinois, in a paper on risk literacy published last month in the journal Science.

Some people do get the right answer: that the patient has about a 2 percent chance of having the disease.

To be honest, I did not know that answer. The article goes on to provide one way to illustrate how they came up with the answer. Once I read that, I started to see how that made logical sense.

But there’s also an intuitive approach that requires no formula at all. Imagine 1,000 people getting the test. On average, one will have the disease. The 5 percent error rate means that about 50 of the 999 healthy people will test positive. Now it’s easy to see that the group of false positives is about 50 times bigger than the group of real positives. In other words, just 2 percent of the people testing positive are likely to be sick.

I found the discussion of inside versus outside views interesting.

In an interview, Barbey said that when dealing with conditional probabilities, people often make the mistake of focusing on just the population statistics (what he calls the outside view) or just the patient’s individual statistics (the inside view). In the ALS story, the doctor saw only the outside view, focusing on the low rate of the disease in the whole population. In the problem of the test that's 95-percent accurate, people often take the inside view, ignoring the rarity of the disease.

Here is the link to the full article:  http://www.bloombergview.com/articles/2016-05-05/math-stumps-your-doctor-too

Learning patience

Prior to the season, we discussed Little League tryouts with our older son. He had the option of trying out for AAA or the majors. He played AAA ball last year and was clearly one of the best players on his team. If he stayed at the same level, he would be guaranteed to be a starter and likely the star. His other option would be to reach a bit and play in the majors. While he has the talent to be there, he would be competing with boys as old as 12. Two years may not seem like a lot, but it is an enormous gap. If he made the team (and there would be no guarantees), he would likely slot in as a reserve fighting for playing time.

My boy decided to give the majors a shot. He's always been competitive. It was, in my opinion, the right choice at the time. While it's fun to be the best player on your team, it's also not as satisfying if you are playing inferior competition. In order for him to grow, he needs to be challenged.

The good news is that he made the majors. I thought he was talented enough to make the leap. It turns out that he made it with plenty to spare. He was assigned to the Twins. I've since learned that they try to set up the teams so that you continue with the team over the years.

Well, the results so far have been about what I expected. He's certainly not the top player on his team. As much as I want to be a proud father, I also have to be realistic. He's better than some of the kids and probably in the middle of the pack. He can certainly field better than most and pitches fairly well but his hitting needs to become more consistent. He's already set himself a goal to be the second best pitcher on the team by the end of the year. To be honest, I think he could actually do it if he applies himself.

At the same time, he is now learning the realities of what had previously been just a possibility. In the first game, he got to play the whole game. In his second game on Saturday night, he was told that he would be spending the first three innings (of six) on the bench. He was none too pleased. It turned out to be a tight ballgame. Along the way, he did make some nice fielding plays at second base. When he came up in the top of the fifth, the Twins were trailing 2-0 and there were two men on. The Orioles pitcher had been mowing our guys down all night, so I was nervous. He took two pitches and then connected on the third. Unfortunately, he caught the ball a little low and popped it into short right field. While the Twins would eventually plate one run, they ended up losing 4-1.

At the end of the game, he was really upset. He went into his standard rage mode. It was less about the loss and more about the fact that he only got to play half the game. I tried to let him know that it was part of the process, but he didn't want to hear about it. It's really tough to have to watch helplessly while he goes through his acceptance process.

There was another game Sunday. I thought he had an excellent session in the batting cage before the game. While they were warming up on the field, things seemed to be going fairly well. The last drill was just to take a few grounders. As the coach hit grounders around the horn, my son's turn came up. The first ball came and he just did not pick it up properly. It went whizzing past him. Coach then hit him a second ball which he proceeded to let slip under his glove. I guess it was no surprise when he started out Sunday's game again on the bench.

I could see him seething. He started throwing his hat around and making mad faces. Instead of encouraging the others, he started to wallow in self-pity. It was hard to watch. I tried to talk to him, but he kept storming away. At some point, he took possession of the scoreboard remote control and was going to keep score. I walked over and asked him for it while directing him to the bench. He reluctantly went back. The first three innings were a constant push to get him back into the dugout to be present and trying to remind him to watch for things like pitcher tendencies and umpire calls.

He finally got in the game in the fourth. He was able to make a few nice plays in the field. He caught an easy pop-up. In the sixth, he had a ball hit sharply to him that suddenly veered off to his left at the last minute. It could have easily slipped by, but he snared it and made a strong throw to second to get the out. The only downside was that it was another well-pitched game. The Twins ended up winning 4-1 (symmetry!), so they didn't bat in the bottom of the sixth. That meant he didn't get to hit at all.

Ironically, one of the least talented kids on the team started the game in left field. He came up with two men on in the third and got a piece of a ball which whistled down the right field line for a two-run double. It doubled the Twins score and turned out to be a critical play in a close game. He ended up getting a game ball for his efforts.

I think that this will be a long process. There are 20 games on the regular season schedule and then playoffs. If the Twins perform as I expect, they should make it. They have only played 5 games (3-2). We missed the first two because of our recent trip to visit my brother. I expect that my young man will have many opportunities to prove himself. I just hope that all of this watching and waiting drives him to push himself harder instead of having him fall prey to his frustration.

As they say, only time will tell. We'll both just have to learn to be patient.