Courtesy of the blog "Barking Up the Wrong Tree", here is some advice that can help you maintain your composure when everything around you seems to be falling apart.
When most of us are confronted by unfavorable events, it's only natural to grow frustrated. Think of all the times when we might be stuck in traffic or headed nowhere in the slowest line. Instead of allowing ourselves to blow a gasket, Albert Ellis proposes a different solution. He urges us to turn to concepts originally found in stoicism to adjust our beliefs.
You’re stuck in traffic and that makes you angry, right? Wrong.
Traffic happens. But you think it shouldn’t happen to you. And the thing that’s making you miserable is that word “should.”
Here’s an example. I say, “This headache remedy probably won’t work but give it a shot.” So you try it. And it doesn’t work. You’re not frustrated.
Okay, same situation but I say, “This always works.” It fails. Now you’re annoyed. What changed? Your expectation.
Or you tell a five-year old to stop yelling. They don’t listen. You don’t get that bothered. After all, the kid is five.
But if you tell me to stop yelling and I don’t listen, you get angry. What’s different? “Eric should stop. He’s an adult.”
Again, nothing changed but your belief.
Mr. Ellis proposes a simple ABCD system:
A is adversity. Traffic is awful.
B is your beliefs. And often they’re irrational. “This shouldn’t happen to me.” Well, guess what, Bubba? It is happening.
C is consequences. You get angry, frustrated or depressed.
In very few cases can you change A. But you can change B. And that will change C. So let’s bring in the 4th letter.
D: Dispute your irrational beliefs. “Wait a second. When did the universe guarantee me a trouble-free existence? It didn’t. Traffic has happened before. It will happen again. And I will survive.”
There is much more to the article that helps to explain how recognizing our irrational beliefs can help us adjust our thinking and reduce our frustrations. You can find the full article here: The Secret To Never Being Frustrated Again
As an added bonus, there is a reference to the name of my blog explained near the end of the article.
I've always thought that we usually find the things that we are looking for. Sometimes we just need to learn to look for the things that we find!
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